Not So 4/20 Friendly - Grand Theft Auto V

I've seen a lot of "professional game journalists" praise Grand Theft Auto V for it's openness to subjects such as gay marriage and legalization of marijuana, even crediting the game as a treat for cannabis consuming video game players. Even well respected marijuana magazines are calling it one of the most pot friendly games ever. I don't know what game these people were playing, but I sure as hell wasn't having the same experience that they were, despite my consumption of the sticky icky. While I am a fan of the humorous dialogue when it approaches marijuana and medicinal dispensaries, the game is quite dull at times and I actually avoid playing the game at all costs when I'm high.

Just to give some insight from my perspective, I've been playing Grand Theft Auto games since GTA III ruled the news reels as tales of blood lust for hookers and extreme violence were threatening to corrupt the youth of society. Even though my mom was vehemently against the game, and I can see why now. But that didn't stop me from my enjoyment of the game, in fact, my fun was greatly increased because I knew it wasn't allowed. A game like that wasn't meant for people at that age, but that's what kids do, they rebel. Ever since I completed Grand Theft Auto : San Andreas nearly a decade ago, I haven't enjoyed any Grand Theft Auto game. I found GTA IV almost unplayable and it took me quite some time to actually complete the game. I was stuck on the last mission of the game for so long that I lost interest in the climatic ending, but that's no one's fault but my own. In any case, I don't understand what all the fuss is about with this one.

When I smoke, I'm sure some cannabis users will agree with me, I want to sit back, relax, and enjoy life. Grand Theft Auto V satirizes real life so much that it eventually becomes the awful, unpleasant representation of the worst in humanity. I found the main story split between the three protagonists(Michael, Trevor and Franklin) decidedly uneven. Even though Franklin was still new in the world of organized crime, you would think they would still give him some decent back-story.  But he's treated like a secondary character from the get-go and the game has given me little time to learn about him. The real chunk of the story is spent telling the fractured friendship of two classy criminal ex-partners Michael and Trevor as they come to terms with what happened after a robbery gone wrong some time ago. It's a wonderful story in itself and it calls to mind the classic Al Pacino/Robert Di Niro movies so many of us have enjoyed over the years. But the fact that the game just had to have 3 main characters, Franklin feels awkwardly lumped into almost every scenario, like the black elephant in the room who's only objective is to get a cheap laugh. Because he's from the ghetto, and he wants to be a gangster. And he spouts nigga like he's Lil' Wayne. Aside from the story, and the surprising slew of interesting secondary characters that didn't get the attention they desperately deserved, the game play is what breaks the immersion most for me. Driving vehicles in this game, just like it was in Grand Theft Auto IV, is awful. Cars, even the obviously super-charged and outrageously priced cars in this game handle like a hippo on roller skates. Not to mention helicopters are the most maddeningly frightening vehicles I've ever handled in any game, ever. Flying a plane's not bad though.

The views from the plane are simply remarkable. Never seen quality on this level before.

The game makes it painfully clear that it wants to mimic reality as much as possible, and in doing so sacrifices some fun game play elements. Maybe I'm just not the right type of person for this game. But when you see the almost unbelievable attention this game has gotten since it came out, you'd think it would be accessible to almost everyone. High or sober, the game just doesn't do much for me. I would much rather play a game that focuses on making the game fun and throws conventional mechanics out the window. That's when the decision to not play this game comes is made. While I do plan on completing as much of GTA V as possible, I almost wish I hadn't spent the money on the game. I won't deny the impact Grand Theft Auto has had on the industry. It's not a bad place to set the bar, the folks at Rockstar Games have never been shy about pushing the boundaries. I just can't get this feeling out of my head every time I sit down and play. This feeling of being a puppet master over 3 people who live really boring lives, and I'm supposed to feel exactly as those puppets feel. I should become the puppets, but the puppets are such insufferable boring assholes that I don't want to become them. I'd rather just sit and watch them be assholes to each other, because I'm already an asshole in real life. Maybe I want to treat some of these people with a little respect. But nobody in Los Santos has any respect, and neither can the player. Who knows, ,maybe someone up top will try to make these games into movies one day. It seems like the next logical step in an industry that is pushing an interactive medium to the brink of non-interactivity.

Here's something sure to lift your spirits after my inane ramblings. This guy is talented on so many levels. Plus, he's got a totally kick-ass beard and a black cat. Smooth McGroove is groovy jesus <3