Discouragement In Its Ugliest Forms

Self-assurance is a trait that seems far out of reach, at least for me. I've spent years in creative counseling with all sorts of cognitive "behavior" therapy aimed at "focusing on the good" in every day life. It's all built on the belief that thoughts, feelings, and behavior are all connected and that individuals can move toward overcoming difficulties and meeting their goals by identifying and changing unhelpful or inaccurate thinking, problematic behavior and distressing emotional responses. For a while, I thought it was a bunch of shit. Exactly the type of thinking that this sort of therapy is supposed to correct. Then, something amazing happened. I actually understood what I needed to do in my life and how to better my behavior to turn myself around and head down the happier path in life. Since I've taken my new outlook on life I've realized some things never change. Cognitive therapy is still a bunch of shit.

Maybe it's the type of culture I've been raised in, the things I've seen in life and on television. "Johnson, we needed those documents two weeks ago. Have them on my desk in 2 hours or you're fired." Or, "tired of looking fat and unattractive? Buy this overpriced exercise equipment and lose 100 lbs in a week." Even our school system that we are so proud of is pushing kids to graduate at an earlier age and go into college when they have barely reached high school. The few schools that exist to serve the student and give them the type of teaching they require are getting elbowed out of the room by (mostly) conservative thinkers who don't see the need for these types of schools. I became one of the unfortunate victims of this elderly way of thinking when the school board decided to hold me back a year when I was a junior, when the school was geared toward keeping a class of students with the same teacher through all 4 years. I'm hardly bent out of shape about it now, but it certainly proved to me that very few people gave a shit about my education, especially the people that were getting paid to make sure I even got an education.

What does that have to do with self-esteem? Not much, in reality. But being told that I wasn't good enough to stay with the designed program flow of the school didn't propel me to believe I could one day be president of the divided states of america. In my eyes, I'm not successful if I don't get results right away. Which is exactly the WRONG way to approach life if you want to live the extra-terrestrial life of a writer. Can you blame me? Every day is another bombardment of "immediate success or death" and I can't find a single institution to tell me that the best things in life are served over time. You can't live life in a week, Rome wasn't built in a day, and I sure as hell can't survive at a job where I either make the quota or get the pink slip. But what do I care, cognitive therapy is a bunch of shit.

Maybe when we stop electing our government officials the way we vote for televised talent competitions, our government might actually resemble the wants and needs of the people, and another generation won't be force fed the same bullshit I've been spoon-fed since birth. But that's a long shot, these things are set the way they are for a reason. Just don't be surprised when people like me shut down because we can't conform to the tried and FAILED ways of teaching that you so desperately cling to like a raft beside the sinking Titanic.